Single, Solitary Solution
The good nurse is off for a 10-day holiday. The consolation prize for me was the gift he gave me last weekend: a trip to Kentucky to see my family. Yes, The Sun Shines Bright on My Olde Kentucky Home.
This weekend was one of solitude. I contemplated various diversions to keep me from dwelling on the fact that I would be completely alone this weekend. The winning ideas included deep cleaning of the apartment and avid reading of good books. But even these simple diversions, and a phone call with my mother, couldn't keep me from crashing into the stark reality that no matter how well I know anyone, or how much I love anyone, here in NYC, I haven't known a single, solitary soul for more than 4 years. September marked my 4th year in NYC and my nearest blood-kin is at least an 18-hour drive away.
The phone call with my mother detailed the tribulations of another family member who had a "heart episode." For some reason, "heart episodes" have become a frequent occurrence among my family lately. After concern and prayers for my loved one, my selfish mind brought me back to my own loneliness and solitude here in this city of millions. I realize that it is of my own making. I could pick up the phone and call a friend and find something to do. In fact, I did call a relatively new friend who is also a very close neighbor, and that friend was unavailable. I did get one call, exactly one call, from someone else who invited me to a late Sunday brunch. However, that person has more in mind than eggs and toast. I declined.
Sometimes, I believe we just want to be in a pissy mood, and maybe that's the frame of mind I have right now. For most of us, though, the desire to be happy will overcome that desire to be pissy. I eagerly anticipate that for me. Right now, it's back to a good book. I don't mind being alone but I hate feeling lonely. Like a true Gemini, I am just fine with solitude, but only on my terms. :)
Finally, lest you think I am feeling sorry for myself, I assure you I am not. I don't need my pity. I know my blessings and I am thankful for them. I will be sleeping safely with a roof over my head, food in my belly, and a few dollars in the bank. According to a recent email forward, that's better than 90% of this earth's population. As Granny has always said...this, too, shall pass.
This weekend was one of solitude. I contemplated various diversions to keep me from dwelling on the fact that I would be completely alone this weekend. The winning ideas included deep cleaning of the apartment and avid reading of good books. But even these simple diversions, and a phone call with my mother, couldn't keep me from crashing into the stark reality that no matter how well I know anyone, or how much I love anyone, here in NYC, I haven't known a single, solitary soul for more than 4 years. September marked my 4th year in NYC and my nearest blood-kin is at least an 18-hour drive away.
The phone call with my mother detailed the tribulations of another family member who had a "heart episode." For some reason, "heart episodes" have become a frequent occurrence among my family lately. After concern and prayers for my loved one, my selfish mind brought me back to my own loneliness and solitude here in this city of millions. I realize that it is of my own making. I could pick up the phone and call a friend and find something to do. In fact, I did call a relatively new friend who is also a very close neighbor, and that friend was unavailable. I did get one call, exactly one call, from someone else who invited me to a late Sunday brunch. However, that person has more in mind than eggs and toast. I declined.
Sometimes, I believe we just want to be in a pissy mood, and maybe that's the frame of mind I have right now. For most of us, though, the desire to be happy will overcome that desire to be pissy. I eagerly anticipate that for me. Right now, it's back to a good book. I don't mind being alone but I hate feeling lonely. Like a true Gemini, I am just fine with solitude, but only on my terms. :)
Finally, lest you think I am feeling sorry for myself, I assure you I am not. I don't need my pity. I know my blessings and I am thankful for them. I will be sleeping safely with a roof over my head, food in my belly, and a few dollars in the bank. According to a recent email forward, that's better than 90% of this earth's population. As Granny has always said...this, too, shall pass.
posted by Michael Vernon at Friday, October 06, 2006
2 Comments:
The title is very misleading. Or not?
Just keep those blessings in mind. The old saying notwithstanding, the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence!
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