Someone asked me tonight. . .

Over a bottle of beer, someone asked me tonight: what would be the best things about a person with whom you would want to have a relationship (lover/friend/other)?

I gave it some thought. Not a lot of thought, because of how recently I was asked the question. I don't fully have all the answers, but I did realize some of the components I find important. Here they are in brief.

1. Be comfortable with yourself. If you don't like being around yourself, why will I?
2. Don't take yourself too seriously. Enjoy laughing at yourself!
3. Communicate early and often. With me and with others.
4. Call me for no reason. Or any reason.
5. Understand unconditional love. I have it and I will share it with someone who will share it back.
6. Make fun of me, because I am going to make fun of you. Why? Because I value you enough to give you attention.
7. When I am feeling sad, know that you can't fix it. But you can help by lending me your shoulder or your time. Even when I try to decline them.
8. Tell me what you need and want from me. I promise to give it to you or die trying.
9. Make me feel wanted. Use love and desire, not anger and jealousy.
10. Please try to forgive me, because I will make mistakes. I will make more mistakes than you will make.
11. Together, let's make sure each of these work both ways.

(After reading what I have just written, I notice that I didn't once mention Matt Damon. How did that happen?!?!)

But seriously, I believe what makes a healthy relationship--be it your life's partner or your closest friend(s), falls far outside the realm of how we look, what we wear, or how much money we have. I have friends who are gorgeous and hideous ("eye of the beholder" stipulated). Fashion forward and fashion illiterate. Billionaires and completely broke. In my heart, I love them all. What makes me truly blessed is that I believe my loved ones share many of my values, whether they have articulated them or not. Ain't life grand?

My heart was torn into many pieces tonight when I learned some terrible news about someone I love dearly. I learned later that I was the victim of a joke gone awry. The terrible news was not true. The person who pulled the prank is someone I know and like, and I know he would not have teased me the way he did had he known that my reaction would have been to sob like a baby in an East Midtown watering hole. The value of this joke gone awry, though, is that things came into focus more clearly. Even the jokester, whose attempt at humor failed miserably, has a more important place in my heart. After seeing him genuinely distressed at seeing my pain, he showed his true colors by doing everything he could to comfort me as I recovered.

This entire post has been one of introspection and reflection (is that redundant?). My fear is that I might seem selfish to anyone who might read this. My hope is that through my experiences others might grow as I feel I have grown.