Starting Over Again

Well, just came to an understanding with somebody with whom I'd had a couple of dates. I made the mistakes of being too nice, too eager, too open, and too vulnerable, trying too hard, being over-analytical and presenting a facade of insecurity. The opportunity to date this person came out of left field, and not having dated in YEARS, I don't know the rules. Now my emotional "walls" are thicker and stronger than ever and I'm not sure when I will ever be trusting enough to date again. If ever I do date again, I have learned some very valuable lessons about keeping myself less excited and more cautious. (And when I say that, I imply NO mistrust of the other person, who is truly a great individual in difficult circumstances. I am talking about trusting myself to be self-disciplined.)

I can't really articulate all the things I'm feeling right now, but as I sort them out, I know that things will be fine. But for now, I am falling into the trap of shutting down, isolating myself and basically being unavailable. Thankfully, I have the old fallback of work--and there is plenty of it to do. I will bury myself in work and travel and exploring new things in new places to keep my mind focused on what is in my control, and not focused on what is over and done.

It hurts like hell, but soon, the pain will pass. I know that from experience.